you lose faith
and the best way to not be reminded and, two-fold, to not run the risk of regaining it, is to avoid.
avoid all you can that you know to be ultimately beneficial to your intellectual and spiritual self:
wherever the darkest center of your issue lies.
no smiling, no laughter.
no easy relaxation,
never to let the worry cease. never to just let go
and enjoy. oh
but you talk about it at length with the occasional ear but
knowing what to do – “understanding” – is
not doing it: thereby reaching the most pure and true
understanding of self and purpose
it remains elusive and I lag in the dust
looking up from the smog to
what I know is
clarity in the sky
death becomes us.